Home alone for Valentine’s Day?
Create a day of heart-centered self-care
“Not the same” Valentine’s Day
In a long line of ‘not the same’ experiences in 2020/2021, here comes Valentine’s Day. What to do? Frankly, Valentine’s Day isn’t the easiest of holidays for many. I’m lucky to have my sweetie, and we usually celebrate somehow. When we were Dad’s caregivers, those celebrations included my father and were simple affairs, at home. Dad would send me out to buy a card for myself. If that isn’t a strange experience…! For family caregivers at home with loved ones no longer aware of the holidays, it can be pretty lonely.
This year, I don’t know where you are at with shutdowns and re-openings and social distancing, but those all impact holiday celebrations. Nor do I know if you are fortunate enough to have loved ones with whom you can celebrate Valentine’s Day, either together or from a distance. I do know there is someone you could show a little love to – yourself!
Show a little love to your Self
Consider planning a love day at home for your wonderful self. I recommended something similar for Thanksgiving and for the December holidays. Quite a few readers shared their stories. My own experience for Thanksgiving and the December holidays was better even than I expected. It was fun to plan a self-care day – I often found myself smiling in anticipation. On each of the holidays, I spent about a half day taking good care of myself, and the other half in non-traditional celebrations with my husband.
But now, there’s Valentine’s Day. Can we reframe this as a self-love day? I’m sure we can. The planning process is part of the fun, shifting thinking from some degree of self-pity to thinking about caring for your own heart.
How to create a day of self-love
The obvious theme for a Valentine’s Day self-care experience is love. However, setting your intention is a personal matter. What do you need or want? Perhaps to soothe an aching heart, reverse compassion fatigue, find your smile, or warm your soul? Forming and setting your intention creates a holistic foundation for your experience.
How might you spend a day of self-love? Doing and enjoying things you love, of course! Here are a few questions to start with. I find the simpler things are more likely to be successful. I’ve planned too many self-care experiences that were cancelled either by storms, my own fatigue, medical emergencies (my dad or husband) or other urgent matters. I’m going to start with the bar rather low and raise my expectations as I go along.
- What do you enjoy?
- Your favorite color:
- Your favorite music:
- Your favorite candy:
- Your favorite flowers:
- What do you love to do?
- Your favorite movie:
- Your favorite workout:
- Your favorite meal:
Is there a color that makes you smile? My favs are seasonal. I generally prefer blue and purple but during the dark days of winter I like rose and peach too. Deck yourself and your home out in your favorite color. My easy-peasy approach is to drape myself and my home with scarves from my vast collection. Consider your resources and your desires, fill your space and your day with your favorite color, music, and flowers. Enjoy your favorite candy, movie, workout, and meal. Enjoy yourself!
When loving yourself is too much to ask
The idea of loving ourselves is not an easy one for many. My beautiful dog is really good at unconditional love; me, not so much. So, I practice a simple loving kindness metta with the intention of awakening my self-compassion while offering unconditional love to others as well. I was taught to begin with one’s self, then extend lovingkindness to someone or a group of people who are challenged or difficult to love, and then to offer loving kindness to all beings. As written below, try to repeat each stanza three times. Personalize the second stanza with your own challenging person or people.
- I send lovingkindness to me.
- I send lovingkindness to me.
- I send lovingkindness to me.
- I send lovingkindness to _________________.
- I send lovingkindness to _________________.
- I send lovingkindness to _________________.
- I send lovingkindness to all beings.
- I send lovingkindness to all beings.
- I send lovingkindness to all beings.
Lovingkindness for you
I know you’re busy. But I hope you will pause for a moment and plan a sweet experience for your Valentine’s Day. “The most beautiful thing you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” (Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free)
In peace, Gale
Related blogs especially for family caregivers
Mini me-time for family caregivers | TLC, The Lyman Center for Caregivers